My movies are okay, but they're not my specials.

I pray there's a God...I know there's an Oprah.

You can never make a woman happy, it's impossible. I've never met a happy woman in my life. They're always complaining about something.

Guys play characters that won't grow up and something catastrophic happens and they have to grow up to save the day - that's pretty much what today's comedy is about.

I literally don't know what I'm going to do next. That's successful.

I know what you're thinking: why is Chris Rock bagging groceries? But I dropped out of high school in the tenth grade, so if I couldn't tell jokes this is exactly what I'd be doing.

All you crazy white people "I'm American!", all you did was come out of your mother's pussy on American soil. That's it. That's it! What, you think you're better than somebody from France 'cause you came out of a pussy in Detroit?