My movies are okay, but they're not my specials.

Anything you can suck at should make you nervous.

Actually, I think all addiction starts with soda. Every junkie did soda first. But no one counts that. Maybe they should. The soda connection is clear. Why isn't a presidential commission looking into this? Or at least some guys from the National Carbonation Council.

I'm severely overrated. I'm just above a hack.

You don't pay taxes; they take them from your check. That's not a payment - that's a 'jack.

You know, you get famous and you work in these weird jobs and you don't have a lot in common with people. But once you have kids, you have everything in common with everybody.

No matter what happens or how difficult things become, you will eventually feel better.