My movies are okay, but they're not my specials.

Oprah is so rich, I saw John Kerry proposing to her.

I pride myself on being the guy who can do Def Comedy Jam and Charlie Rose. And do well on both.

Right now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them.

Give me a black man, a white woman, a giraffe, a zebra anything but another white man! That last one f***ed up my roof!

If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.

I ain't shootin' nobody. So call me a faggot! When the war's over, I'll be the faggot with two legs, thank you!