The thing I try to get across to the writers - and I do a lot of writing, too - is that when I do stand-up, nothing I talk about is funny. Everything is really sad and tragic and then I make it funny.

I used to work at McDonald's making minimum wage. You know what that means when someone pays you minimum wage? You know what your boos was trying to say? "Hey if I could pay you less, I would, but it's against the law."

America is the only place where people go hunting on a full stomach.

Sometimes people offer you plays, they offer you parts, but they only offer it because I'm famous.

Babies don't know who's rich and who's poor. You love 'em and they're happy.

I'm a rap comedian the same way Bill Cosby is a jazz comedian, Cosby's laid back. I'm like, bang, bang bang, right into it.

My mother is the kind of woman you don't want to be in line behind at the supermarket. She has coupons for coupons.