Hollywood's racist. Hollywood is sorority racist. It's like - we like you, Rhonda, but you're not a Kappa.

You know the world is messed up when the tallest man in the NBA is Chinese, the best golfer is black, and the best rapper is white.

Dude, I didn't say Jude Law can't act. I didn't say Jude Law was in bad movies. I just said he's in every movie.

Anything you can suck at should make you nervous.

If you see a black woman with an overweight white man, you know she got effed up credit!

You just got to be really logical when you're a comedian - to a fault. Like a lawyer's got to believe in the law.

Money is the best lotion in the world.