Being a comedian is a lot like being an athlete. If you're Carl Lewis and you're the fastest, then no matter what you're the fastest.

Give me a black man, a white woman, a giraffe, a zebra anything but another white man! That last one f***ed up my roof!

Who's judging American Idol? Paula Abdul? Paula Abdul judging a singing contest is like Christopher Reeve judging a dance contest!

Stand-up is the only career like that where once you get really big at it, people kind of encourage you not to do it.

I hate niggas! I hate em! I wish they'd let me join the Ku Klux Klan!

If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.

I think if I were to get as big as I could get, it does change your mind-state. I think like the little man. I think like the underdog. I don't want to change that.