Emotional affairs, those are the only real affairs; those are the real ones.

I'm an independent, but I got to admit I lean Democratic.

Being a comedian is a lot like being an athlete. If you're Carl Lewis and you're the fastest, then no matter what you're the fastest.

So there's a cloud of rage around me, but being an artist kind of changes that. No matter what you thought coming in, what ignorant thing you believed, you're in show business for two years, you're like, "OK, I was wrong." It's hard to be mad at any particular group of people when you're an artist.

Early in my career it was very important that I gain the reputation. I haven't been on the road in two or three years, but when I say tickets are on sale, I know they're going to be gone, even if my movie bombed or my TV show sucked.

Men lie the most. Men lie all the time.

You won’t be able to take your eyes off the next four presenters: Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz.