Emotional affairs, those are the only real affairs; those are the real ones.

That's a sure sign someone is going crazy - when he refers to himself in the third person, talks in low tones, and walks around wearing shades all day!

I hate when people go on TV and tell you how hard it is to do animation. No, no, no. UPS is hard work. I’ve done some animation and here's how easy it is. The easiest job in the world. I go in a booth and I go, what’s the line? And the guy goes, it’s time to go to the store. And then I go, it’s time to go to the store. And then they gave me $1 million.

No matter what kind of backgrounds two men are from, if you go, 'Hey, man, women are crazy,' you've got a friend.

My movies are okay, but they're not my specials.

A cat, by any other name, is still a sneaky little furball that barfs on the furniture.

If you wanna get away with murder, all you gotta do is shoot somebody in the head and put a demo tape in their pocket! 'This is a rap killing! Let's get outta here!'