The thing about having an audience right there laughing is that critics can write what they want, but the proof is right there in front of you.

I do what I can do when I can do it.

Men are handicapped when it comes to arguing, 'cause we have a need to make sense.

No film critic's going to say it, but 'Madagascar 3' is better than 'The Artist.'

I've been away from my two daughters at a very important time in their life.'I have missed most of Girl Scout cookie season.Last night Zahra, my youngest called me up and said :"Daddy how come we never sell the most cookies? How come Mrs. Dunn wins every year?"'

Only married people understand you can be miserable and happy at the same time.

And even if you get shot by a stray bullet, you don't gotta go to no doctor to get it taken out, whoever shot you will take they bullet back! "I believe you have my property!"