You could be married and bored or single and lonely. Ain't no happiness nowhere.
America is the only place where people go hunting on a full stomach.
When you become a comedian a lot of stuff that made you laugh before just stops. You stop watching your old cartoons you used to watch. You stop reading the funnies. It's like working at a strip club. You don't come home and turn on the Playboy Channel.
We were so poor my daddy unplugged the clocks when we went to bed.
A cat, by any other name, is still a sneaky little furball that barfs on the furniture.
George Bush hates midgets.