I do what I can do when I can do it.

You can only offend me if you mean something to me.

Everything's funny - in the right context and done by the right person.

Stand-up comedy is like the lowest medium in all of show business in levels of respect.

All you crazy white people "I'm American!", all you did was come out of your mother's pussy on American soil. That's it. That's it! What, you think you're better than somebody from France 'cause you came out of a pussy in Detroit?

That's a sure sign someone is going crazy - when he refers to himself in the third person, talks in low tones, and walks around wearing shades all day!

Comedians tend to find a comfort zone and stay there and do lamer versions of themselves for the rest of their career.