I've been away from my two daughters at a very important time in their life.'I have missed most of Girl Scout cookie season.Last night Zahra, my youngest called me up and said :"Daddy how come we never sell the most cookies? How come Mrs. Dunn wins every year?"'

I like the tradition of the Oscars. I like that some of the greatest comedians ever have hosted the show.

Before I was a comedian, I thought the coolest thing that would happen to me was being a teenager... Boy, was I wrong!

Comedy is a group activity, a verbal orgy.

People basically aren't that racist. They want their laughs. If I make a white guy laugh, he's gonna come see me. He's not gonna go see the white guy who doesn't make him laugh just because that guy is white.

There's math, and everything else is debatable!

Women need food, water, and compliments That's right. And an occasional pair of shoes.