And even if you get shot by a stray bullet, you don't gotta go to no doctor to get it taken out, whoever shot you will take they bullet back! "I believe you have my property!"

I want to really take chances. I want to be funny in a lot of different ways. I'd like to be great. I want to reach for greatness.

I like talking about subjects that aren't funny in the first place and making them funny. So anything down and depressing is something I'll talk about.

America is the greatest country in the whole world.

I'll go with the guy with one house. The guy with one house is scared about losing his house.

If Bill Gates woke up with Oprah's money he'd jump out the window.

Black people have been qualified to be president for hundreds of years. George Washington Carver could have been president. I could go on with a list of black men that were qualified to be the president of the United States. So the Obama victory is progress for white people.