Oprah is so rich, I saw John Kerry proposing to her.

Yeah, it's unfair that you can get judged by something you didn't do, but it's also unfair that you can inherit money that you didn't work for.

I'm severely overrated. I'm just above a hack.

My movies are okay, but they're not my specials.

I like the tradition of the Oscars. I like that some of the greatest comedians ever have hosted the show.

You don't pay taxes; they take them from your check. That's not a payment - that's a 'jack.

A comedy club is a place where you work out material, you're trying material.