I can't cook, but I have a nice book of menus... and I can plate and set the table.

If you properly clean a room, it gets dirtier before it gets cleaner.

Farrakhan got everybody together for the Million Man March and everything. But Farrakhan don't like the Jews. Which is bugged. I get my hair cut on Dekalb Avenue. I never been in a barbershop and heard a bunch of brothers talking about Jews. Black people don't hate Jews. Black people hate white people! We don't got time to dice white people up into little groups. I hate everybody! I don't care if you just got here. "Hey, I'm Romanian." "You Romanian cracker!"

You just got to be really logical when you're a comedian - to a fault. Like a lawyer's got to believe in the law.

Happy white peoples independence day the slaves weren't free but I'm sure they enjoyed fireworks.

I want to really take chances. I want to be funny in a lot of different ways. I'd like to be great. I want to reach for greatness.

Comedians are the one who have to tell the emperor he has no clothes on.