I can't cook, but I have a nice book of menus... and I can plate and set the table.

I'm happy if everybody else is. I'm a big brother, the oldest. If you're happy and I'm not, I'm cool with that. If I'm happy and you're not, I'm sad.

If you live below your means, you can turn down stuff all the time.

Though part of me had always wanted to be a comedian, another part of me had always wanted to be Bryant Gumbel or Dan Rather.

Kids always act up the most before they go to sleep.

Guys play characters that won't grow up and something catastrophic happens and they have to grow up to save the day - that's pretty much what today's comedy is about.

I pray there's a God...I know there's an Oprah.