I was at Michael Jackson's house, and this kid runs out, 'Wait, save me!'

You know, you get famous and you work in these weird jobs and you don't have a lot in common with people. But once you have kids, you have everything in common with everybody.

My kids don't have a trust fund, they have a debt fund. Oh my God, they're $4 million in the hole.

Is America ready for a black president? Well, I say we just had a retarded one. When did being black become a bigger deterrent than being retarded?

There's always a moment in any stand-up show I do where people are booing. They kinda boo a premise. And then I bail myself out with a joke. But it's like trying to do movies where there's a dramatic undertone.

Sometimes people offer you plays, they offer you parts, but they only offer it because I'm famous.

They're working their way down. Next year, Todd Bridges gets the award. When I was a kid I wanted to be Eddie Murphy and now I'm a rip-off of Eddie Murphy.