Men lie the most. Men lie all the time.
Stop the violence! Can't we all just get along?
I'll go back to comedy clubs when they get a real no-camera policy, the same way they did with smoking.
Only married people understand you can be miserable and happy at the same time.
Stand-up is the only career like that where once you get really big at it, people kind of encourage you not to do it.
I'm like the Hulk on stage. It's way over the top. That's Bizarro Chris. Sometimes I get off stage and go What did I say?! I'll watch one of my stand-up specials a year later and go Eww, that was mean.