Kennedy didn't beat Nixon. Satire beat Nixon.
Two hours of sparkling entertainment spread out over a four-hour show.
School shootings were invented by blacks... and stolen by the white man.
After I left high school and got my GED, I studied broadcast journalism for a year at a community college.
The thing I try to get across to the writers - and I do a lot of writing, too - is that when I do stand-up, nothing I talk about is funny. Everything is really sad and tragic and then I make it funny.
An entertainer's reputation as a live act is the most valuable thing he or she can have. If people know you give good shows, you'll never be broke for the rest of your life.