My goals were small. My goal was to become a big enough stand-up that I wouldn't have to do radio. I could sell out a club, which is like 300 seats. If I got big enough, I could sell before I got there, and I wouldn't have to get up at 6 in the morning to do radio. That was pretty much the dream. I had no idea I'd be playing Madison Square Garden or anything.

For the most part, comedy is the only fair part of show business.

No, I want big ol' titties in my face!

Most people don't realize this, but you can eat organic, all natural, gluten-free food without telling everyone around you.

I try to stay with it and I try to stay in contact with comedians and just keep comedians in my life 'cause comedians are their own species. If you get away from them, especially as a comedian, I think it's dangerous.

You know those guys that go to the strip club at the daytime? If you're at a strip club, and the sun is out, you got some problems!

I'll go back to comedy clubs when they get a real no-camera policy, the same way they did with smoking.