My goals were small. My goal was to become a big enough stand-up that I wouldn't have to do radio. I could sell out a club, which is like 300 seats. If I got big enough, I could sell before I got there, and I wouldn't have to get up at 6 in the morning to do radio. That was pretty much the dream. I had no idea I'd be playing Madison Square Garden or anything.

The best part is just having a partner. There is no real worst part. I'm not going to say there's a worst part. I mean I'm a comedian - comedians like to work alone. So maybe I'm not the ideal guy to be married to, in that sense.

The U.S government hates rap music

I was at Michael Jackson's house, and this kid runs out, 'Wait, save me!'

Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.

Tomorrow is more sure than just about anything else in the entire world.

Yeah, I love being famous. It's almost like being white, y'know?