School shootings were invented by blacks... and stolen by the white man.

If you’re a black Christian, you have a real short memory.

You can't fake comedy - it's not like a movie, where a director can just cast a pretty face.

You just got to be really logical when you're a comedian - to a fault. Like a lawyer's got to believe in the law.

All you crazy white people "I'm American!", all you did was come out of your mother's pussy on American soil. That's it. That's it! What, you think you're better than somebody from France 'cause you came out of a pussy in Detroit?

Every comedian has a moment in his life when he realizes he's a little bit different from everyone else. It's like being the only guy in a movie who sees the ghost. The ghost talks to you and you talk to him. Then you turn to your friend and say, "Hey. Do you see that ghost? And he says, What ghost?"

You know, you get famous and you work in these weird jobs and you don't have a lot in common with people. But once you have kids, you have everything in common with everybody.