Whenever I go out with other married couples, I like to bring along a single crackhead. Just to spice things up.

I like talking about subjects that aren't funny in the first place and making them funny. So anything down and depressing is something I'll talk about.

Happy white peoples independence day the slaves weren't free but I'm sure they enjoyed fireworks.

After I left high school and got my GED, I studied broadcast journalism for a year at a community college.

Comedy is the blues for people who can’t sing.

Actually, I think all addiction starts with soda. Every junkie did soda first. But no one counts that. Maybe they should. The soda connection is clear. Why isn't a presidential commission looking into this? Or at least some guys from the National Carbonation Council.

We treat racism in this country like it's a style that America went through. Like flared legs and lava lamps. Oh, that crazy thing we did. We were hanging black people. We treat it like a fad instead of a disease that eradicates millions of people. You've got to get it at a lab, and study it, and see its origins, and see what it's immune to and what breaks it down.