Whenever I go out with other married couples, I like to bring along a single crackhead. Just to spice things up.

When people try to read between the lines - critics, they have a job. Their job is to make something bigger than it is.

Women can have all the evidence but they still want the confession.

Kennedy didn't beat Nixon. Satire beat Nixon.

All people naturally hate. My kid bites people now. I didn't teach my kid to bite anybody. Kids say mean stuff. Only through love do we get this evil out of them. Only through love and structure and discipline do they not hate. The kids that hate didn't learn anything, that's the problem.

I see as white people finding loopholes in the slavery laws.

I've told Michael Jackson jokes. If you got really technical, you could say those are jokes about child molestation. You could, if you got technical. A lot of this is just selective outrage because honestly, the audience are the ones that tell us that something shouldn't be spoken. The audience lets us know. And I've never, in my almost 30 years of being a comedian, seen a comedian continue to tell a joke that the audience doesn't respond to. I've never seen it.