Kids always act up the most before they go to sleep. And when I see the Tea Party and all this stuff, it actually feels like racism’s almost over. Because this is the last - this is the act up before the sleep. They’re going crazy. They’re insane. You want to get rid of them - and the next thing you know, they’re fucking knocked out. And that’s what’s going on in the country right now.

When I do stand-up, I'm basically doing a one-man show.

Most people don't realize this, but you can eat organic, all natural, gluten-free food without telling everyone around you.

You don't pay taxes - they take taxes.

When you're doing a big-budget movie and you're four on the call sheet, you've got a lot of free time.

No, I want big ol' titties in my face!

You just got to be really logical when you're a comedian - to a fault. Like a lawyer's got to believe in the law.