If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.

People are the same wherever you go. And if they weren't, they wouldn't laugh at the same s**t.

I get approached to do shows all the time. There's a lot of money in sitcoms, but I've never been the kind of guy who wanted to do one. I don't think people want to see me saying "Honey, I'm home." It's just not my thing.

People want what they want. And I guess that is a reason we have this big credit card problem and a lot of these foreclosures.

I'll go with the guy with one house. The guy with one house is scared about losing his house.

I live way below my means.

Is America ready for a black president? Well, I say we just had a retarded one. When did being black become a bigger deterrent than being retarded?