People want what they want. And I guess that is a reason we have this big credit card problem and a lot of these foreclosures.

Gas is getting so expensive I'm gonna ride a mexican to work.

Nobody's good. I hate it. I truly hate it. I mean, there's a lot of guys doing stuff I admire, but stand-up-wise I feel very alone. I really miss Bill Hicks. I wish I could have put him on my show. And I really miss Sam Kinison a lot. Richard Pryor's sick... It's like you get here and then, oh wait a minute, there's nobody here any more. I feel like the guy who finally got into Studio 54, three years too late, Duh, where are all the famous people?

Smart is knowing if you're dumb. Knowing when to shut up and to listen to people that are smarter than you.

There's a difference between racism and "I don't know any better. I'm clueless." Racism is like, "I'm trying to make you feel bad." That's racism.

A comedian has to live in his head. All this comedy comes from a lonely place. When you're surrounded by an entourage, you're not living in your head.

America is the greatest country in the whole world.