People are always going to, you know, find something wrong with people who are not the exact same as them. That's just what it is. Black, white, short, tall, religions, whatever. People are bad.

If a kid calls his grandma "Mommy" and his mama "Pam", he's going to jail!

I'm pretty good at getting over people throwing stuff at me. If you've been doing stand up long enough you know how to swing back and get the laughs.

I literally don't know what I'm going to do next. That's successful.

My kids don't have a trust fund, they have a debt fund. Oh my God, they're $4 million in the hole.

Nobody really wants to be a stand-up, they want to get on TV.

And even if you get shot by a stray bullet, you don't gotta go to no doctor to get it taken out, whoever shot you will take they bullet back! "I believe you have my property!"