You'd got a baseball game, or a football game, basketball game, "USA! USA! USA!" Hey, calm down! Got a little German on it, don't you think?

Comedians tend to find a comfort zone and stay there and do lamer versions of themselves for the rest of their career.

I'll probably pay more attention to the musicians in the pit than the stars because they're the closest you're going to get to normal people in the audience.

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

Dude, I didn't say Jude Law can't act. I didn't say Jude Law was in bad movies. I just said he's in every movie.

You don't pay taxes; they take them from your check. That's not a payment - that's a 'jack.

Charlie Brown is the one person I identify with. C.B. is such a loser. He wasn't even the star of his own Halloween special.