Men don't get smarter when they grow older. They just lose their hair.
If I couldn't laugh, I'd rather die.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? The mother.
Audiences always sound like they're glad to see me, and I'm damned glad to see them.
It took me years to figure out that you don't fall into a tub of butter, you jump for it.
Most of us don't know about happiness until it's over.