There's many times this year I've sat back and thought, I'm making a living from making things up. It's the only skill I have so I've been really lucky.

Please call your second witness, and then call your mother, she worries.

I am such a pessimist that every project has surpassed what I envisioned.

I think the challenge is going out in front of a paying audience with absolutely nothing and trying to entertain them for two hours. Thankfully, I only think about that right before we go on, and then once we're out there, everything's fine.

Wives live longer than husbands because they're not married to women.

Our top story tonight: Famous TV dolphin flipper was arrested today on prostitution ring charges. He allegedly was seen transporting two 16 year olds across state line for immoral porpoises.

Well, it seems all the fish in the rivers are dying. Could this be an act of cod?