If Sting retires, would he have to change his name to Stung?

We all have a dinosaur deep within us just trying to get out.

Our top story tonight: Famous TV dolphin flipper was arrested today on prostitution ring charges. He allegedly was seen transporting two 16 year olds across state line for immoral porpoises.

Wives live longer than husbands because they're not married to women.

I think the challenge is going out in front of a paying audience with absolutely nothing and trying to entertain them for two hours. Thankfully, I only think about that right before we go on, and then once we're out there, everything's fine.

Give me liberty! Or a bran muffin!

When you kill someone by chopping off their head, rolling 'em up in a carpet and burning it, you'd better make sure they're dead!