If Sting retires, would he have to change his name to Stung?

I believe it was Shakespeare who said, 'All the world's a stage, and you are CRAP!'

Please call your second witness, and then call your mother, she worries.

Our top story tonight: Famous TV dolphin flipper was arrested today on prostitution ring charges. He allegedly was seen transporting two 16 year olds across state line for immoral porpoises.

After a disappointing summer, Humpty Dumpty has a great fall.

Famous Playboy Hugh Hefner managed to successfully stop an order of monks from operating a business on his property. The police forced the friars to close down their stall, which was outside the Playboy mansion where they had been selling flowers. Said one friar, well, if it was anyone else we may have gotten away from it, but, unfortunately, only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

Well, it seems all the fish in the rivers are dying. Could this be an act of cod?