Give me liberty! Or a bran muffin!

Well, it seems all the fish in the rivers are dying. Could this be an act of cod?

My most important professional accomplishment to date is the ability to keep working with absolutely no skills whatsoever.

The comedy community is fairly supportive of human beings in general. There are some things you can teach with comedy that people can't learn by being hit over the head with facts. I think, as comedians, we're trying to change the world. It's slow, but sure.

I'm a traveling practical joker. That's my line of work.

Hi. There was a big accident, some people got decapitated, here are their names... You know what? That shirt really makes you look fat. I mean, the colour's all wrong... I mean, who shot the drapes?

We'll be back to our nature documentary, 'Baggy the Anorexic Elephant' in just a second.