He had the kind of face only a mother could love. If that mother was blind in one eye, and had that sort of milky film over the other one, ya..ya know, ya know what I mean? But still he was my identical twin.

And if that isnt the truth, it would be a lie.

Nine out of ten Americans believe that out of ten people, one person will always disagree with the other nine!

NASA sends probe to Uranus, people everywhere giggle.

My mother on her death bed told me, 'Where the hell did that kangaroo come from!?' - it just popped out of nowhere and punched her in the head and caused a cerebral hemorrhage, so I thought I'd move to a country where there were no kangaroos!

I believe it was Shakespeare who said, 'All the world's a stage, and you are CRAP!'

It all started with a badly timed bald joke!