Why are there so many trees in the jungle?

Wives live longer than husbands because they're not married to women.

I don't want to get all lefty, but if we took the defence budgets from around the world, we could end hunger everywhere. I would hope that all the world's leaders are thinking about poverty. Get to work. Do something. This is something that's going to be with us forever.

I'm a traveling practical joker. That's my line of work.

The Hills are alive with the sound of CRAP!

When you kill someone by chopping off their head, rolling 'em up in a carpet and burning it, you'd better make sure they're dead!

Many people think it's in bad taste to advertise for an insane asylum... but come on down. We're going crazy.