Every song a hit, every hit a smack!

Hi. There was a big accident, some people got decapitated, here are their names... You know what? That shirt really makes you look fat. I mean, the colour's all wrong... I mean, who shot the drapes?

I'm handsome, no ands, buts or ifs.

Well, it seems all the fish in the rivers are dying. Could this be an act of cod?

My most important professional accomplishment to date is the ability to keep working with absolutely no skills whatsoever.

It all started with a badly timed bald joke!

Our top story tonight: Famous TV dolphin flipper was arrested today on prostitution ring charges. He allegedly was seen transporting two 16 year olds across state line for immoral porpoises.