Onstage I do all the stuff I'd never do in real life, like lashing out at people who make me mad or freaking out in a long bank lineup. Performing allows me to fulfill all the sicko fantasies I've ever had.

Many people think it's in bad taste to advertise for an insane asylum... but come on down. We're going crazy.

We'll be back to our nature documentary, 'Baggy the Anorexic Elephant' in just a second.

Our top story tonight: Famous TV dolphin flipper was arrested today on prostitution ring charges. He allegedly was seen transporting two 16 year olds across state line for immoral porpoises.

After a disappointing summer, Humpty Dumpty has a great fall.

I have many favorite artists...Van Gough as one, but he didn't really sing a lot!

He had the kind of face only a mother could love. If that mother was blind in one eye, and had that sort of milky film over the other one, ya..ya know, ya know what I mean? But still he was my identical twin.