Onstage I do all the stuff I'd never do in real life, like lashing out at people who make me mad or freaking out in a long bank lineup. Performing allows me to fulfill all the sicko fantasies I've ever had.

To be a dramatic writer takes hard work, talent, and discipline. And that's why I just make up crap.

Why are there so many trees in the jungle?

It all started with a badly timed bald joke!

You know, if I don't make it when I go out there in that weather balloon into that thunder storm. I want, you to take your ear and give it to my wife.

I am such a pessimist that every project has surpassed what I envisioned.

If Sting retires, would he have to change his name to Stung?