Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer, dead at 53. Over Barcelona today, the famed reindeer was hit by a flock of seagulls and a 747. Eyewitnesses report, that the reindeer in Spain was hit mainly by the plane.

I'm handsome, no ands, buts or ifs.

To be a dramatic writer takes hard work, talent, and discipline. And that's why I just make up crap.

I don't want to get all lefty, but if we took the defence budgets from around the world, we could end hunger everywhere. I would hope that all the world's leaders are thinking about poverty. Get to work. Do something. This is something that's going to be with us forever.

Our top story tonight: Famous TV dolphin flipper was arrested today on prostitution ring charges. He allegedly was seen transporting two 16 year olds across state line for immoral porpoises.

And if that isnt the truth, it would be a lie.

Nine out of ten Americans believe that out of ten people, one person will always disagree with the other nine!