You know, in the 1970's, when I was in high school, I belonged to a band called the Happy Funk Band. Until an unfortunate typo caused us to be expelled from school.

Many people think it's in bad taste to advertise for an insane asylum... but come on down. We're going crazy.

When you kill someone by chopping off their head, rolling 'em up in a carpet and burning it, you'd better make sure they're dead!

To be a dramatic writer takes hard work, talent, and discipline. And that's why I just make up crap.

I believe it was Shakespeare who said, 'All the world's a stage, and you are CRAP!'

And if that isnt the truth, it would be a lie.

The comedy community is fairly supportive of human beings in general. There are some things you can teach with comedy that people can't learn by being hit over the head with facts. I think, as comedians, we're trying to change the world. It's slow, but sure.