I believe it was Shakespeare who said, 'All the world's a stage, and you are CRAP!'

You know, in the 1970's, when I was in high school, I belonged to a band called the Happy Funk Band. Until an unfortunate typo caused us to be expelled from school.

Our top story tonight: Famous TV dolphin flipper was arrested today on prostitution ring charges. He allegedly was seen transporting two 16 year olds across state line for immoral porpoises.

After a disappointing summer, Humpty Dumpty has a great fall.

Hey, come on, I've seen younger faces on money. Money.

We all have a dinosaur deep within us just trying to get out.

My most important professional accomplishment to date is the ability to keep working with absolutely no skills whatsoever.