I believe it was Shakespeare who said, 'All the world's a stage, and you are CRAP!'

Let me play a Man in a scene.

What kind of FBI agent are you?

The comedy community is fairly supportive of human beings in general. There are some things you can teach with comedy that people can't learn by being hit over the head with facts. I think, as comedians, we're trying to change the world. It's slow, but sure.

You know, in the 1970's, when I was in high school, I belonged to a band called the Happy Funk Band. Until an unfortunate typo caused us to be expelled from school.

If Sting retires, would he have to change his name to Stung?

Wives live longer than husbands because they're not married to women.