When you kill someone by chopping off their head, rolling 'em up in a carpet and burning it, you'd better make sure they're dead!

If Sting retires, would he have to change his name to Stung?

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. It's not like the sheep was underage.

This just in: Beverly Hills 90210, Cleveland Browns 3.

Did you know that..........'embargo' spelled backwards is 'o grab me

I think the challenge is going out in front of a paying audience with absolutely nothing and trying to entertain them for two hours. Thankfully, I only think about that right before we go on, and then once we're out there, everything's fine.

The comedy community is fairly supportive of human beings in general. There are some things you can teach with comedy that people can't learn by being hit over the head with facts. I think, as comedians, we're trying to change the world. It's slow, but sure.