When you kill someone by chopping off their head, rolling 'em up in a carpet and burning it, you'd better make sure they're dead!

And if that isnt the truth, it would be a lie.

I'm a traveling practical joker. That's my line of work.

He had the kind of face only a mother could love. If that mother was blind in one eye, and had that sort of milky film over the other one, ya..ya know, ya know what I mean? But still he was my identical twin.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. It's not like the sheep was underage.

If Sting retires, would he have to change his name to Stung?

When I'm on stage, it's a little world I've created where I'm sort of the thing, so I have total control over everything that happens. When we're improvising, I'm with someone I totally trust. I know things are going to work out. I don't have those guarantees in life. There are no consequences on stage.