Wives live longer than husbands because they're not married to women.

Famous Playboy Hugh Hefner managed to successfully stop an order of monks from operating a business on his property. The police forced the friars to close down their stall, which was outside the Playboy mansion where they had been selling flowers. Said one friar, well, if it was anyone else we may have gotten away from it, but, unfortunately, only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. It's not like the sheep was underage.

Many people think it's in bad taste to advertise for an insane asylum... but come on down. We're going crazy.

The comedy community is fairly supportive of human beings in general. There are some things you can teach with comedy that people can't learn by being hit over the head with facts. I think, as comedians, we're trying to change the world. It's slow, but sure.

What kind of FBI agent are you?

Nine out of ten Americans believe that out of ten people, one person will always disagree with the other nine!