Wives live longer than husbands because they're not married to women.

I am such a pessimist that every project has surpassed what I envisioned.

This just in: Beverly Hills 90210, Cleveland Browns 3.

Wives live longer than husbands because they're not married to women.

Onstage I do all the stuff I'd never do in real life, like lashing out at people who make me mad or freaking out in a long bank lineup. Performing allows me to fulfill all the sicko fantasies I've ever had.

The comedy community is fairly supportive of human beings in general. There are some things you can teach with comedy that people can't learn by being hit over the head with facts. I think, as comedians, we're trying to change the world. It's slow, but sure.

The Hills are alive with the sound of CRAP!