The people who influenced me most were the people who said I would never make it. They gave me a thirst for revenge.

The comedy community is fairly supportive of human beings in general. There are some things you can teach with comedy that people can't learn by being hit over the head with facts. I think, as comedians, we're trying to change the world. It's slow, but sure.

Hi. There was a big accident, some people got decapitated, here are their names... You know what? That shirt really makes you look fat. I mean, the colour's all wrong... I mean, who shot the drapes?

For as long as I can remember, I've had memories.

The Hills are alive with the sound of CRAP!

Every song a hit, every hit a smack!

Why are there so many trees in the jungle?