I think everyone should own six guns, even though I don't own any.

I get the impression the English kings were witty, for some reason. I feel like all you had was your wit.

The mistake that people make in stand-up is thinking they're profound or they're deep when there are so many people who have more worthwhile ways of phrasing things.

I write all the time - I write poetry, I love to write

Everybody's funny in different ways.

I've been to Japan, I've been to China, I've been to Africa, I've been to the Middle East, I've been to Europe a little bit. I've never been to South America.

You know, the funny thing about Lorne and that show is that, you can go over one million things, but in a business of bean counters, he still likes to laugh at small things and creates a show around it.