My name has zero value.

Twitter is one of those dangerous toys that if it gets in the hands of the wrong person you'll have the mind of a 12-year-old masquerading as an adult.

I get the impression the English kings were witty, for some reason. I feel like all you had was your wit.

So instead of talking about theoretical ways of ending the war and violence, I say that we have to get rid of the individual asholes in each office and situation.

I know nowadays the common wisdom is to celebrate diversity as long as you don't point out that people are different.

You can't make money on Broadway. You make nothing. You maybe make like $1,350 a week after you pay out all the producers.

For the most part, comedians are pretty friendly with each other. They always say they badmouth each other, but most of the time, they're friends. We're the only ones that can really stand our type of humor.