The Senate was holding hearings on deceptive sweepstakes practices. These companies target the elderly, making them think they're going to get a bunch of money, when in reality they never see any of it. The most popular of these scams is called Social Security.

I think if you try to tailor your act to anybody, you end up with an act that doesn't work anyway.

I think everyone should own six guns, even though I don't own any.

Marie Antoinette was funny, I'm sure she was just misinterpreted. You know the 'Let them eat cake' line. She seems like she was kind of funny, like a Chelsea Handler or Kathy Griffin type.

So instead of talking about theoretical ways of ending the war and violence, I say that we have to get rid of the individual asholes in each office and situation.

Stand-up is live, so I'm used to being live for most of my career. It's interesting.

I write all the time - I write poetry, I love to write