I get the impression the English kings were witty, for some reason. I feel like all you had was your wit.

I think if you try to tailor your act to anybody, you end up with an act that doesn't work anyway.

Well... you know, I would wake up with a terrible hangover in a jail somewhere and worst part was that I would not know why I was there.

Somehow, it was so happy a time. Those early days of comedy are when you get addicted to it.

My stand-up act? I combine the fact that the world is a violent place with the fact that each person is responsible for the situation they are in.

You can’t make everybody laugh. You gotta just do what you think is funny. Just be obstreperous to everybody.

The earth is a used Kleenex on the universe's nightstand.