I'm always working on stuff. But they never materialize. I'm always working on movies and TV shows.

I'm not a big method actor. I'm much more superficial.

I get the impression the English kings were witty, for some reason. I feel like all you had was your wit.

I think everyone should own six guns, even though I don't own any.

For the most part, comedians are pretty friendly with each other. They always say they badmouth each other, but most of the time, they're friends. We're the only ones that can really stand our type of humor.

You can't make money on Broadway. You make nothing. You maybe make like $1,350 a week after you pay out all the producers.

You know how it is with writing. You just write what you want to write. There's no way to predict what is good or bad. You just do what you think is funny, and either it works or you're finished. It's impossible to predict anything.