You can't make money on Broadway. You make nothing. You maybe make like $1,350 a week after you pay out all the producers.

I've been to Japan, I've been to China, I've been to Africa, I've been to the Middle East, I've been to Europe a little bit. I've never been to South America.

Well... you know, I would wake up with a terrible hangover in a jail somewhere and worst part was that I would not know why I was there.

I'm just another guy who thinks he's smarter than he is, in a long line of them.

I think people tend to feel odd when I do my act. Unless you are an ironic person, it's not a good place for you to be.

A weird sort of awareness set in, like, 'Wow. My stand-up isn't just separate from everything else I do anymore.' With Twitter and Face book, everything is universal that everything everybody says gets seen.

I don't know any comedian who tailors his act to his audience. Maybe people say they do, but I can't even imagine them.