I don't know any comedian who tailors his act to his audience. Maybe people say they do, but I can't even imagine them.

Well... you know, I would wake up with a terrible hangover in a jail somewhere and worst part was that I would not know why I was there.

You can’t make everybody laugh. You gotta just do what you think is funny. Just be obstreperous to everybody.

I'm always working on stuff. But they never materialize. I'm always working on movies and TV shows.

I think if you try to tailor your act to anybody, you end up with an act that doesn't work anyway.

People say history is boring, and that is true because people are boring. We haven't changed since time began. We're still the same.

The thing that drives me crazy is when comics say 'I have low self-esteem.' No you don't. You're standing on stage asking people to pay. You don't play an instrument. You want people to pay to hear what's in your mind. You don't have low self-esteem. You might have other problems.