I don't know any comedian who tailors his act to his audience. Maybe people say they do, but I can't even imagine them.

For the most part, comedians are pretty friendly with each other. They always say they badmouth each other, but most of the time, they're friends. We're the only ones that can really stand our type of humor.

I get the impression the English kings were witty, for some reason. I feel like all you had was your wit.

Humanity is a crazy contradiction. I accept us for who we are. We're not that great. Every time we take a step forward we go back to the same primitive behavior. We're meant to be this way. It's not our fault, it's just who we are.

People say history was written by the winners. No, it wasn't. It was written by the bullies.

A weird sort of awareness set in, like, 'Wow. My stand-up isn't just separate from everything else I do anymore.' With Twitter and Face book, everything is universal that everything everybody says gets seen.

Somehow, it was so happy a time. Those early days of comedy are when you get addicted to it.