That’s the beauty of being a comedian: it’s the one job you’re allowed to do that. We’re lucky. We’re really lucky.

I think Helen of Troy must have been pretty hot. She got two countries going crazy for 10 years over her.

Everybody's got a different sense of humor. It's just different styles.

I'm just another guy who thinks he's smarter than he is, in a long line of them.

You can't make money on Broadway. You make nothing. You maybe make like $1,350 a week after you pay out all the producers.

I don't know any comedian who tailors his act to his audience. Maybe people say they do, but I can't even imagine them.

I think I identify more with the smart guy, but most people might take umbrage at that. I like to think of myself as a real thinker, but I suppose people might beg to differ.