The thing that drives me crazy is when comics say 'I have low self-esteem.' No you don't. You're standing on stage asking people to pay. You don't play an instrument. You want people to pay to hear what's in your mind. You don't have low self-esteem. You might have other problems.

I've been to Japan, I've been to China, I've been to Africa, I've been to the Middle East, I've been to Europe a little bit. I've never been to South America.

I know nowadays the common wisdom is to celebrate diversity as long as you don't point out that people are different.

For the most part, comedians are pretty friendly with each other. They always say they badmouth each other, but most of the time, they're friends. We're the only ones that can really stand our type of humor.

You can’t make everybody laugh. You gotta just do what you think is funny. Just be obstreperous to everybody.

I think if you try to tailor your act to anybody, you end up with an act that doesn't work anyway.

I don't know any comedian who tailors his act to his audience. Maybe people say they do, but I can't even imagine them.