The thing that drives me crazy is when comics say 'I have low self-esteem.' No you don't. You're standing on stage asking people to pay. You don't play an instrument. You want people to pay to hear what's in your mind. You don't have low self-esteem. You might have other problems.

The only people who like to live alone more than comics are priests.

I write all the time - I write poetry, I love to write

I think Helen of Troy must have been pretty hot. She got two countries going crazy for 10 years over her.

I love people, I love studying people more than history. So whatever situation I see, then I look at, what were the people like, more than history itself.

Well... you know, I would wake up with a terrible hangover in a jail somewhere and worst part was that I would not know why I was there.

What I love about comedians is their instinct is always to go against the grain. Their whole existence is pointing out the elephant in the room. Already you can see audiences are pushing back, but we're the ones who really can take it more than anybody.