It’s sad. Marxism didn’t work. Communism didn’t work. Capitalism doesn’t work. Nothing works. Even democracy doesn’t work. Democracy-the greatest form of government and we have two choices for who’s our leader. In fascism you only have one choice. That’s great. We have one more choice than the worst form of government.

A weird sort of awareness set in, like, 'Wow. My stand-up isn't just separate from everything else I do anymore.' With Twitter and Face book, everything is universal that everything everybody says gets seen.

I think Helen of Troy must have been pretty hot. She got two countries going crazy for 10 years over her.

I'm always working on stuff. But they never materialize. I'm always working on movies and TV shows.

People say history was written by the winners. No, it wasn't. It was written by the bullies.

I think I identify more with the smart guy, but most people might take umbrage at that. I like to think of myself as a real thinker, but I suppose people might beg to differ.

Somehow, it was so happy a time. Those early days of comedy are when you get addicted to it.