I'm just another guy who thinks he's smarter than he is, in a long line of them.

You know how it is with writing. You just write what you want to write. There's no way to predict what is good or bad. You just do what you think is funny, and either it works or you're finished. It's impossible to predict anything.

I'm quietly becoming New York's premiere actor. People don't understand. They have me pigeon-holed as a comedian.

I feel most empires fell when they started to act human, but then look at Russia. They kept a pretty strong hand, and they fell from Afghanistan alone because Afghanistan is the graveyard of empires. I guess you just can't sustain it.

Everybody's funny in different ways.

I think everyone should own six guns, even though I don't own any.

Well... you know, I would wake up with a terrible hangover in a jail somewhere and worst part was that I would not know why I was there.