I'm just another guy who thinks he's smarter than he is, in a long line of them.

I used to love the election season'cause it's kind of fun. Everyone makes a big sport out of it with all these different news stories and everything. I like it better now that everybody knows all the candidates from the past 15 years. But it does get really ugly. It's ugly and it's pugilist.

I would say most comedians have a very cynical worldview of the way the world can work. It's almost like if you didn't, you couldn't be a comedian.

My stand-up act? I combine the fact that the world is a violent place with the fact that each person is responsible for the situation they are in.

I know nowadays the common wisdom is to celebrate diversity as long as you don't point out that people are different.

You can't make money on Broadway. You make nothing. You maybe make like $1,350 a week after you pay out all the producers.

The thing that drives me crazy is when comics say 'I have low self-esteem.' No you don't. You're standing on stage asking people to pay. You don't play an instrument. You want people to pay to hear what's in your mind. You don't have low self-esteem. You might have other problems.