I'm just another guy who thinks he's smarter than he is, in a long line of them.

A weird sort of awareness set in, like, 'Wow. My stand-up isn't just separate from everything else I do anymore.' With Twitter and Face book, everything is universal that everything everybody says gets seen.

Well... you know, I would wake up with a terrible hangover in a jail somewhere and worst part was that I would not know why I was there.

You know how it is with writing. You just write what you want to write. There's no way to predict what is good or bad. You just do what you think is funny, and either it works or you're finished. It's impossible to predict anything.

The mistake that people make in stand-up is thinking they're profound or they're deep when there are so many people who have more worthwhile ways of phrasing things.

I think people tend to feel odd when I do my act. Unless you are an ironic person, it's not a good place for you to be.

I think Helen of Troy must have been pretty hot. She got two countries going crazy for 10 years over her.