People say history is boring, and that is true because people are boring. We haven't changed since time began. We're still the same.

I know nowadays the common wisdom is to celebrate diversity as long as you don't point out that people are different.

Somehow, it was so happy a time. Those early days of comedy are when you get addicted to it.

That’s the beauty of being a comedian: it’s the one job you’re allowed to do that. We’re lucky. We’re really lucky.

It’s sad. Marxism didn’t work. Communism didn’t work. Capitalism doesn’t work. Nothing works. Even democracy doesn’t work. Democracy-the greatest form of government and we have two choices for who’s our leader. In fascism you only have one choice. That’s great. We have one more choice than the worst form of government.

Twitter is one of those dangerous toys that if it gets in the hands of the wrong person you'll have the mind of a 12-year-old masquerading as an adult.

People say history is boring, and that is true because people are boring. We haven't changed since time began. We're still the same.