I write all the time - I write poetry, I love to write

I think Helen of Troy must have been pretty hot. She got two countries going crazy for 10 years over her.

For the most part, comedians are pretty friendly with each other. They always say they badmouth each other, but most of the time, they're friends. We're the only ones that can really stand our type of humor.

People's - most people's job is talking about the future or like money not even in the present tense. It's not even paper.

I get the impression the English kings were witty, for some reason. I feel like all you had was your wit.

The mistake that people make in stand-up is thinking they're profound or they're deep when there are so many people who have more worthwhile ways of phrasing things.

My name has zero value.