Tomorrow is your future's yesterday.

The truth is, you win the Lotto. That's really how you have to approach it. You're a lottery winner when you get a sitcom and it goes.

You can never talk religion on network TV. It makes too many people angry. You can talk about sex.

I don't just like sexual double entendres I love them, I stroke them, I milk them, I spank them when they're naughty.

The virus in the movie 'Contagion' is based on the bird flu which came out of nowhere back in 2008. Everyone thought it was going to change the way we live and it just faded away. Wait a minute, I'm talking about President Obama.

A woman in Germany gave birth to a 13 1/2 pound baby. That baby was so fat his first word was strudel.

That's here on CBS, where the 'C' stands for 'Classy' and the 'BS' speaks for itself.